Summer Vacation Blues

So I'm listening to women all around me with the summer vacation blues -- women everywhere nod knowingly at each other in the grocery store and say things like "I can't wait for school to start." Kids underfoot all summer with nothing to do, summer full of chaos and bickering -- I can see how that is stressful. However, I am not feeling sympathetic. In fact, I'm feeling a little bitter about it. I know I am just feeling envious because they have what I long to have--free time at home with the kids, the ability to sleep in occasionally, and a release from the pressure to help support a large family. I know, I know, the grass is always greener. I know it's hard to be a stay at home Mom too. I did stay home with my first three daughters. I had three girls under four years old. I remember being a stay at home mom -- I remember going insane listening to Barney sing his stupid song about cleaning up over and over again. I remember feeling like the only things I did all day were cook, sew, and chauffeur, all while breaking up fist fights and cleaning jam off the walls. I remember wondering why I had to utter phrases like "don't put that worm in your mouth". Shouldn't some things be obvious? Even to a three year old?

At the time, it was so hectic and insane and I thought it would never end. Now as I hurry off to work and leave my precious five year old in child care, I am achingly jealous of my stay at home friends. I wish I could take her to the pool and the library and argue with her over cleaning her room. I wish I could figure out a way to provide what is needed for my family and be home to be the Mommy. Above all, I wish I had enjoyed the Mommy moments I had with my first three much more. Every sticky, crazy moment is truly precious. I still get them here and there between business meetings and emails. But it's not the same as being there 24/7 through peace and chaos. Oh, I miss that time in my life. I miss it all. Except maybe the worms. No, I don't miss the worms.